Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
