I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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