you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
