I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
