Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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