I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
