screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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