you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize