I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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