I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
