I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
