shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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