So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
