I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
