my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
