Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
