yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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