Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
