That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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