All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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