im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
