When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
