I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
