so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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