I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
