You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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