she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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