u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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