they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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