The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
