On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
