this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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