Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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