It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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