the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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