I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
