I wish I could teleport
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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