Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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