Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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