so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
