literally had 100 drinks last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
