His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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