VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
