Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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