Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This house was built for laser tag.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
