friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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