Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
