I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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