You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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