Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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