i already hear my dad disowning me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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