We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
