420 ftw
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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