hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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