would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize