I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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