listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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