I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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