I seem to have left my pride at pride
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize